In Kat Coiro’s “Marry Me,” Jennifer Lopez stars as Kat Valdez, a pop music celebrity who’s about to premiere her newest hit single throughout a live performance.
Kat’s different half, Bastian (Colombian singer Maluma) is supposed to hitch her onstage, sing the title track and tie the knot instantly afterwards in entrance of numerous adoring followers. A information story of Bastian being untrue breaks out through the live performance, through which Kat, in a susceptible, impulsive second, randomly decides to marry a person within the viewers, a math instructor named Charlie, performed by Owen Wilson.
Is that this spectacle a mere stunt, or will these two individuals, from vastly completely different worlds, be taught the true that means of affection? A much more essential query: is it potential that there will probably be a worse film this 12 months than this one?
I critically hope not.
The place to start? I’ll drop some bullet factors earlier than I dig a bit deeper.
There are gratuitous, laugh-free prolonged cameos from Hoda Kotb and Jimmy Fallon, each enjoying themselves.
Within the opening montage, the choreography by no means matches the music.
The title is bedazzled…why?
Tender music creeps in whereas Wilson tells his daughter that at some point their canine will die (!).
Lopez does stretches in spandex whereas reciting dialog…simply as she did in “Gigli,” which is a greater film than this.
Why are Lopez and Wilson’s characters hounded by the paparazzi through the day however not at night time?
J. Lo continuously laughs at Wilson’s stream of unfunny jokes.
One of many screenwriters co-wrote “Catwoman.”
Lopez has by no means uttered a extra embarrassing line than “I need to get to the Math-a lon!”
“Marry Me” is an arrogance venture for Lopez, whose character is portrayed as flawless and is continually singing terrible, closely autotuned songs. A visibly disinterested Wilson is ill-matched for his co-star, as feelings not often register on his face.
“Marry Me” is slick and empty, because the pressured premise depicts marriage and romance with as a lot depth right here as you’d discover on “The Bachelor.” The inciting incident, like each scene on this practically two-hour endurance take a look at, goes on too lengthy, although I’m equally troubled that the movie romanticizes a pop diva having a breakdown on stage.
Maluma barely registers, as his character isn’t made a villain or correct romantic rival; his largest second is when he calls Wilson an “albino” (!!). Sarah Silverman’s character and efficiency are annoying (is “Wreck-It-Ralph” the one film automobile for her that labored?).
Let me be clear – I really like Lopez. Her early work was really shocking, as post-“In Residing Shade,” she stood out in movies by Oliver Stone and Bob Rafelson, was a surprising lead in “Selena” and was sensational in “Out of Sight” (1998), the place she exuded pink sizzling chemistry with George Clooney.
Then, across the time her music profession caught fireplace, Lopez began to make cutesy romantic comedies and too not often demonstrates her strengths as a dramatic actress. “The Wedding ceremony Planner” (2001), her first foray on this style, additionally sucked however at the very least it was breezy.
The latest “Hustlers” (2019) was a step up for Lopez, however that is one other “The Boy Subsequent Door” (2015).
Her followers could not thoughts this misfire. I extremely suggest followers of Lopez and Wilson try their work collectively…in “Anaconda,” which is 25-years previous and so significantly better.
“Marry Me” has little power and no pulse, because it lulls us with its banal dialogue. It continuously alternates to telephone cameras and has ample references to Tik Tok, Instagram and snapchat. Characters are continuously their telephones, which solely encourages audiences to do the identical when a film is that this unhealthy.
I haven’t determined what’s extra embarrassing – the scene the place Lopez crashes Wilson’s math class, or the callback the place Wilson dances as a way to encourage a math-alon contestant.
Most sitcoms have higher materials and power to spare, whereas this simply drags. It’s an all-too-obvious rip-off of “Notting Hill” (1999) with even the poster artwork reflecting this however isn’t anyplace close to as elegant and (deliberately) humorous as that movie.
We’re by no means clear on why Kat could be excited about Charlie’s boring life, besides that she’s performed by Lopez, who by no means comes throughout as lower than a saint on this.
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There’s a motive I’m giving this half a star. An early scene options Lopez in live performance, performing a track titled “Church”; on stage dancing alongside Lopez are girls dressed like nuns, solely in leather-based habits, and males dressed like clergymen, besides they’re sporting leather-based collars and little else.
The scene isn’t meant to be hilarious, however it’s, as this turns “Glitter”-levels of unhealthy immediately.
The ultimate moments even stoop so low to rip-off the ultimate faux-documentary sequence from “When Harry Met Sally…” and play the title track but once more. Lopez will survive this, and Wilson has probably already shrugged this one off solely.
As for me, if I ever attend a marriage the place the DJ performs “Marry Me,” I’ll stroll out.
Half a Star